For most part of my life, I have had one guiding principle.
<aside> 💪🏽 “Power through life’s challenges. Aim big and forge ahead with everything you’ve got”
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I diligently followed this principle, all for the promise of ‘a better life’.
Growing up in a family with limited means, I believed that a better life meant financial success and societal recognition. I somehow ended up feeling that I had to achieve something big and become someone important to be worthy of anybody’s attention, respect or affection.
So I kept powering through my share of life’s hardships using ‘brute force’, a relentless approach with a single-minded pursuit of success.
Constant presence of restlessness and anxiety was confirmation that I was pushing myself hard enough. When those feelings faded, I'd worry if I was becoming too relaxed and complacent. I would resort to using guilt, shame and fear to jolt back into action.
I sort of needed that ongoing cycle of inner turmoil to validate my efforts. I did decently well in school, college and my career, so I never questioned the brute force approach and honestly, I didn’t know any alternatives. Looking back, I can’t say with certainty if it was the best path for me to grow. But I’m not delving into that now.
My life has significantly changed over the last decade, I now enjoy better financial security, access to more opportunities, and deeper relationships. I also have a genuine interest in building a business and exploring personal growth.
My circumstances vastly differ from the constant struggles my parents endured. And the belief system I inherited is no longer in line with what I find fulfilling in life now. My idea of a better life shifted away from pursuing fame and fortune to improved health, stronger connections with family and friends, personal growth, and professional excitement.
And yet, the need to chase project after project, goal after goal persisted. The struggle to rest, to relax, and to stay in the present continued. The nagging feeling that there’s always more to be done lingered. What’s more- I still relied on the underlying emotions of fear, shame and guilt to fuel my growth. The inner turmoil that once kept me going started to take a toll on me and slowed me down. I needed a different approach!
And then, in the most unexpected of settings, I stumbled upon a pretty cool growth strategy – right at home with my four year old! Watching my son tackle challenges with curiosity and wonder instead of shame or fear made me rethink my approach. I noticed that when he gets stuck, I never judge him, I only nudge him with warmth and compassion - hey, I could do that with myself too! If it works for him, why not for me? After all, he either finds a way or discovers something new altogether!
Like outdated software on modern hardware, the brute force approach no longer suits my current life. I need to adapt and approach things differently, building strength and resilience in new ways.
My journey started a year ago with deep self-exploration through therapy, coaching sessions, candid conversations and extensive journaling. Beyond these, it required vulnerability to deconstruct myself, compassion to turn around the inner critic and steadfast commitment to show up and be present.
And voila! After all that soul-searching, I present to you my latest
1. Seek Knowledge, not Validation